As you can tell, it has taken a while for God to lay on my heart exactly what my first post would be about. He spoke this to me yesterday as I was sitting in my amazing church service and it was seriously like a "duh" moment! What better way to start off this blogging experience than to share my testimony of salvation?!?!
Like many of you, I was raised in church. I grew up in a house where there was no question as to whether we were going to church on Sunday mornings. I was thankfully raised by amazing Christian parents who always showed me the love of Christ. From as far back as I can remember, I was always the "good girl". I never wanted to get in trouble and always wanted to do the right thing. When I was about 9 or 10 years old, fear struck my heart. I didn't want to go to hell. I was always a worrier and that freaked me out! So one Saturday morning, as I was sitting in my room with curlers in my hair getting ready for a pageant, I whispered a tiny little, empty prayer, "Jesus come into my heart."... did it work? Was I saved now? Surely it did. I wasn't going to hell anymore. Now I can focus on this pageant. For a good while, I felt good about it. But there was always that thought in the back of my mind if that really was the real thing. I continued reading my Bible and praying, nothing very new of what I was doing... just now, I wasn't going to hell.
I associated these doubts about my salvation to Satan. Now please don't get me wrong, Satan can and WILL do this, BUT when you know, that you know, that you know you are saved you can combat that boldly and make those doubts disappear. By the time I was about 13 years old, I had prayed that "special little prayer" of salvation about 10 times... I had many breakdown moments. So I knew it had to be real by now. But those doubts, yeah they never went away. So I figured maybe getting baptized would help. I did that... and felt good about it... for a few days. That doubt, though, was still there.
In May of 2008, 15 years old, I was hospitalized for severe complications related to anorexia (which I will talk about in greater detail in a later post!). All throughout my stay in the hospital I felt so close to God. I was reading my Bible constantly... praying constantly... I knew all this had a purpose. I was finally released. Months went on and I still felt close to God. In October of that same year, my church youth group went to a judgement house. If you haven't been to one, I encourage you to go. Awesome experience! I felt very uneasy the whole time we were there, but tried my best to push all of that aside. We got to the end of the walk and had our time to talk to the counselors and such, still I pushed it all aside. During this time, I was also going through a relapse in my eating disorder and was possibly about to land myself back in the hospital. That night, I could NOT sleep. I tossed and turned... I cried... I was scared, and I just knew something was NOT right in my heart. I woke up the next morning, went through all the motions of Sunday school and all, sat down on my front row in the sanctuary, sang the songs and got ready to hear the message. My pastor walked up to the pulpit and put his topic up on the screen... I literally think my heart sank to my feet. It read, simply, "SALVATION". My heart was pounding throughout the entire sermon. I honestly don't remember a word Bro. Frank said... I just felt Jesus pulling and pulling on my heart the whole time. This was it. This was the real moment. At the invitation song, I didn't waste a minute. I fell flat on my face and burst into tears at that altar. God completely broke me down that morning. He showed me how much I failed Him, how many sins have come between Him and I, and showed me how desperately I needed HIM in my life for REAL.
I can honestly tell you that I do not remember a thing I prayed that morning except, "God, I need YOU to be Lord of my life." See, for so long, my eating disorder was my lord. My religion was my lord. I went through the motions better than anyone. It was time to make this a true relationship with Jesus Christ and not a religion. That morning I cried out to Him and begged Him to take me. ALL of me. I surrendered who I had been, who I was, and who I will be to HIM and only HIM. Throughout those years that I thought I was saved, I had one thing missing... Jesus. I was all about the prayer. And the way I acted. And making sure I simply wasn't going to hell. And how many times a week I was at the church. All of that has it's place, yes. But it's worth NOTHING if you don't have Jesus. All those years, God was slowly working on me. He was SO patient throughout all my wandering, my rebellion, my hatred, through it all He kept chiseling away on my broken heart until finally, on October 19, 2008 all the pieces fell to the ground and I picked them up, not for me to put back together, but for HIM to place together perfectly, with HIMSELF in the center. Unlike any of the other times that I prayed the prayer, this time, when I got off my knees, peace washed me like I have NEVER felt before. There was no more doubt. No more fear. I was at peace with my salvation because I had finally, truly, surrendered ALL. I wasn't just relieved that I wasn't going to hell, I was excited to be spending eternity with my Lover, JESUS! A few months later, I was baptized simply as an outward expression of my faith. Not to try and make myself feel better, but to show my church family what Christ had done with me. He raised me up when I was at my complete lowest... He picked me out of the mud and the mire. He put my feet on a solid ground that I had never been on before. Did life get easier after that? Absolutely NOT. It got worse at times. But I was His and He was mine... FOREVER. He is on my side and I have blessed assurance that no matter what life throws at me, He is in complete control.
Please know, this is simply MY testimony of salvation. Yours is your own and it is probably COMPLETELY different from mine. But that is what makes them all so beautiful. God works on you and hits places that are personal to YOU... and that's how He breaks you down to show you how amazing He is and how much you need HIM. If you have ANY questions at all about Jesus and the salvation He brings, PLEASE ask! This life is short, but eternity is FOREVER. I would love to be praising Jesus with you one day in eternity... so please, if you have any questions, concerns, or just need to talk, fell free to ask me. Also, I encourage you to listen to the sermon my pastor preached yesterday morning at www.gracelovesyou.com. Listen to "When You're Unsaved" (November 2013). I don't believe it is posted yet, but it should be soon. Keep checking!
Love you all, and God bless!!!!
Like many of you, I was raised in church. I grew up in a house where there was no question as to whether we were going to church on Sunday mornings. I was thankfully raised by amazing Christian parents who always showed me the love of Christ. From as far back as I can remember, I was always the "good girl". I never wanted to get in trouble and always wanted to do the right thing. When I was about 9 or 10 years old, fear struck my heart. I didn't want to go to hell. I was always a worrier and that freaked me out! So one Saturday morning, as I was sitting in my room with curlers in my hair getting ready for a pageant, I whispered a tiny little, empty prayer, "Jesus come into my heart."... did it work? Was I saved now? Surely it did. I wasn't going to hell anymore. Now I can focus on this pageant. For a good while, I felt good about it. But there was always that thought in the back of my mind if that really was the real thing. I continued reading my Bible and praying, nothing very new of what I was doing... just now, I wasn't going to hell.
I associated these doubts about my salvation to Satan. Now please don't get me wrong, Satan can and WILL do this, BUT when you know, that you know, that you know you are saved you can combat that boldly and make those doubts disappear. By the time I was about 13 years old, I had prayed that "special little prayer" of salvation about 10 times... I had many breakdown moments. So I knew it had to be real by now. But those doubts, yeah they never went away. So I figured maybe getting baptized would help. I did that... and felt good about it... for a few days. That doubt, though, was still there.
In May of 2008, 15 years old, I was hospitalized for severe complications related to anorexia (which I will talk about in greater detail in a later post!). All throughout my stay in the hospital I felt so close to God. I was reading my Bible constantly... praying constantly... I knew all this had a purpose. I was finally released. Months went on and I still felt close to God. In October of that same year, my church youth group went to a judgement house. If you haven't been to one, I encourage you to go. Awesome experience! I felt very uneasy the whole time we were there, but tried my best to push all of that aside. We got to the end of the walk and had our time to talk to the counselors and such, still I pushed it all aside. During this time, I was also going through a relapse in my eating disorder and was possibly about to land myself back in the hospital. That night, I could NOT sleep. I tossed and turned... I cried... I was scared, and I just knew something was NOT right in my heart. I woke up the next morning, went through all the motions of Sunday school and all, sat down on my front row in the sanctuary, sang the songs and got ready to hear the message. My pastor walked up to the pulpit and put his topic up on the screen... I literally think my heart sank to my feet. It read, simply, "SALVATION". My heart was pounding throughout the entire sermon. I honestly don't remember a word Bro. Frank said... I just felt Jesus pulling and pulling on my heart the whole time. This was it. This was the real moment. At the invitation song, I didn't waste a minute. I fell flat on my face and burst into tears at that altar. God completely broke me down that morning. He showed me how much I failed Him, how many sins have come between Him and I, and showed me how desperately I needed HIM in my life for REAL.
I can honestly tell you that I do not remember a thing I prayed that morning except, "God, I need YOU to be Lord of my life." See, for so long, my eating disorder was my lord. My religion was my lord. I went through the motions better than anyone. It was time to make this a true relationship with Jesus Christ and not a religion. That morning I cried out to Him and begged Him to take me. ALL of me. I surrendered who I had been, who I was, and who I will be to HIM and only HIM. Throughout those years that I thought I was saved, I had one thing missing... Jesus. I was all about the prayer. And the way I acted. And making sure I simply wasn't going to hell. And how many times a week I was at the church. All of that has it's place, yes. But it's worth NOTHING if you don't have Jesus. All those years, God was slowly working on me. He was SO patient throughout all my wandering, my rebellion, my hatred, through it all He kept chiseling away on my broken heart until finally, on October 19, 2008 all the pieces fell to the ground and I picked them up, not for me to put back together, but for HIM to place together perfectly, with HIMSELF in the center. Unlike any of the other times that I prayed the prayer, this time, when I got off my knees, peace washed me like I have NEVER felt before. There was no more doubt. No more fear. I was at peace with my salvation because I had finally, truly, surrendered ALL. I wasn't just relieved that I wasn't going to hell, I was excited to be spending eternity with my Lover, JESUS! A few months later, I was baptized simply as an outward expression of my faith. Not to try and make myself feel better, but to show my church family what Christ had done with me. He raised me up when I was at my complete lowest... He picked me out of the mud and the mire. He put my feet on a solid ground that I had never been on before. Did life get easier after that? Absolutely NOT. It got worse at times. But I was His and He was mine... FOREVER. He is on my side and I have blessed assurance that no matter what life throws at me, He is in complete control.
Please know, this is simply MY testimony of salvation. Yours is your own and it is probably COMPLETELY different from mine. But that is what makes them all so beautiful. God works on you and hits places that are personal to YOU... and that's how He breaks you down to show you how amazing He is and how much you need HIM. If you have ANY questions at all about Jesus and the salvation He brings, PLEASE ask! This life is short, but eternity is FOREVER. I would love to be praising Jesus with you one day in eternity... so please, if you have any questions, concerns, or just need to talk, fell free to ask me. Also, I encourage you to listen to the sermon my pastor preached yesterday morning at www.gracelovesyou.com. Listen to "When You're Unsaved" (November 2013). I don't believe it is posted yet, but it should be soon. Keep checking!
Love you all, and God bless!!!!
So proud of the young woman that you are turning into. You are an inspiration to me! I love you!
ReplyDeleteThis was very touching. It was also SO genuine and encouraging. Thank you. I love you. God bless you.
ReplyDelete